Rambling Serenity

My new neighbors downstairs are SO loud when they fuss it goes right through the walls and I can hear everything! Some times I just have to stop and find out what this week’s ‘discussion’ is and I swear I’ve been crouched on the floor a few times listening to hear if they were physically fighting too. Listening to them just makes me appreciate even more the openness I have in my relationship and our ability to get through disagreements without tearing each other’s heads off (though I admit, we’ve come close a time or two).

Relationships take a lot of work, and even the best of them have moments of weakness. I’ve learned through experience, from watching others, and even from classes and books I’ve read that the more you allow freedom and openness in a relationship, the more it flourishes, like a flower in the sunlight.

Arguments are probably one of the biggest areas in relationships were the foundation can start to rock. When two people are in a committed relationship, responsibilities shift and sometimes our differences in how we think those responsibilities should be carried out can cause conflict. Whatever your reason is for being in disagreement with your mate, there are at least 10 things I know of that can help you see the big picture better and can help you move pass it (if that is your real intention).

First off, let me say that every relationship has disagreements. Whenever you get two imperfect and different people together, heads are bound to bump from time to time. What you should be concerned with is not that there’s been a disagreement, but how you choose to respond during those times.

A Tantric teacher once told me that we are meant to feel every emotion in the spectrum. Not only are we built to feel them, but we enjoy feeling them under the right circumstances. We pay money to read books and see movies that evoke the whole list of emotions in us, from joy to sadness to fear; and that’s ok. We think these emotions are bad because society has labeled them as negative, but they really aren’t when used properly. And in a relationship when you have a disagreement, your concern doesn’t have to be that you’ve bump heads, but on how you respond and ‘act out’ on what you feel.

There are tons of books that can probably give your factual information on how to deal with arguments in your relationship. What I’m disclosing to you now if what I’ve learned over time and what I practice in my relationship now. It has proven to be the most loving way for both of us to express ourselves and get to the core of every problem we’ve encountered so far. So please read on, and definitely provide feedback on all you read. My 10 tips have been broken down into separate posts to allow readers to comment individually on each topic, and for me to elaborate more without creating a 3000 word post!

1. Give yourself time to cool down first
2. Listen to one another
3. Be patient with an upset partner
4. Be honest on every level
5. Put yourself in each other’s shoes
6. Be respectful, even if you don’t agree
7. Remember that you’re trying to resolve an issue with someone you love
8. Put your pride to the side
9. Find a compromise
10. Make up

1. This is the Intro of an 10 part series. Click here to start from the beginning and read through them all.
2. Currently filed under Extended Life – posts that start from real life experiences and then extend in my mind into bigger pictures.
2. Btw (by the way) I love comments and feedback, so please leave a comment below.
3. AND to receive updates when the next part of this series posts, subscribe to my RSS feed anywhere on the website, like right here. Thx guys, Serenity.

Tweet to Twitter Send to Facebook Post to MySpace