Rambling Serenity

I never really thought about the seriousness of getting into a simple relationship until I watched an episode of House. In just one hour my entire view of commitments changed forever.

In the episode a man’s wife got sick and after several diagnoses they narrowed her sickness down to two causes, one cause by a STD. Come to find out, it was a STD that she got from an affair early on in the marriage. And though knowing that information saved her life and her husband was happy for her, he also left her, saying that she couldn’t possibly love him if she cheated even once early on in their marriage.

Now at first I thought he was being a little extreme. Thinking, “Come on now! She did it when yall FIRST got married. Yall had no foundation yet…didn’t know if you were gonna last forever, and you were still attracted to other people and that may cause you to stray.” Having my thinking so different from his cause me to look deeper at that topic and see if that’s how I really felt or not.

…and this is what I realized…

Commitment and exclusivity starts when you first go into a relationship and can potentially last the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter that your relationship is young or that you don’t know for a fact that it’s going to last. The moment you agree to be in an exclusive relationship, you’re basically saying, “Unless something happens that makes it obvious that we aren’t a good match, I promise to be with you exclusively for the rest of my life.” …and that’s a big ass deal! With that statement you’re choosing to leave EVERYONE else alone and just deal with this one person for all of the foreseeable future.

That’s not how most people do relationships these days! People go into relationships now as if they were trial periods…trying out the merchandise while still shopping around for better deals. And though that has its benefits, it destroys the value of commitment and makes it easier to:
* Stray,
* Give up when hard times approach, or
* Continue looking for someone better though a commitment has already been made to another.

Commitment is about sticking around as long as it’s feasible. And, how long is “feasible”? Well, that depends on the level of the relationship.
* When dating, feasible is until one of you realizes that you aren’t compatible enough for a long term relationship.
* When engaged, it’s for the foreseeable future, unless some new dirt surfaces before the wedding day.
* And when married, it’s till death (or infidelity in some beliefs) do you part.

If that sound daunting to you, there is still another option that allows you to date without commitment. Commonly referred to as “dating with no strings attached”, people choose this option when they want the closeness of several people like a relationship, without the responsibilities of commitment. That’s a whole other story in itself!

When I looked at it like than I could start to see where the husband was coming from. Though their marriage was fresh, the commitment had been made and she shouldn’t have made it if she wasn’t ready to be exclusive from then on out.

What are your views on commitment and relationships? Do you see what I’m saying about exclusivity starting at the girlfriend/boyfriend phase, or do you just think I’m crazy! Let me know in the comments below!

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