Rambling Serenity

It’s been a minute since I came on and wrote a blog for you all (not knowing who “you all” are). Mainly because a lot of shit has been going down lately and 1) I haven’t had time to sit and write, but mainly because 2) I’ve been embarrassed and cautious about continuing to talk about my life, when it’s not so positive right now. I can only imagine how celebrities feel!

I’m by no means a celebrity. I don’t even know if I have ANY followers who read my blog on a regular basis! I just write for therapy and fun! haha But just knowing that what I write could be read makes me a little apprehensive about what I write, especially if it’s given people insights into the hardships of my personal life. As I said I can only imagine how celebrities feel, when ALL eyes are on them and their ever move, good or bad, is publically announced. But be it as it may, I started this journey and I am going to try my best to keep at it. Maybe by putting myself out there, others who experience similar can take comfort from knowing they are not alone.

So what’s been going on with me?

Well if you read A Week From Hell, you can start off with that! Since July 9th I’ve been unemployed with no income! I got to a point where I decided to file for unemployment, while I continued to look for a new job. I mean, a sister got rent, utilities, insurance, food, gas and more all on her plate all by herself. No income isn’t gonna cut it! Bout a week after I filed I was approved, but then a week later, they withdrew the approved until further review, which was scheduled for almost two months out! Two months…no income. I was strapped! I ending up taking out some loans from a cash advance company and my bestie just to make rent for August. Yes…my savings was small to begin with, and I had squander that a month before my job lost!

Over a grand in debt, and no job. Stressing enough, right? Well good news is that I got a new job…two of them; and today was my first day! So in about two more weeks I’ll be getting my first check, and can start to work on getting back on my feet financially. That door is closing, but another one, personal and sadder, opened this last couple of weeks.

My girlfriend and I broke up. It’s hard to believe when I was so assured that she was the one. If you read any of my posts prior to July I had nothing but beautiful things to say about her and about us…but apparently I was wrong. There were underlying problems in our relationship that I was willing to work on and resolve, but I guess I was alone in that venture. After months of contemplating my own happiness and what could be done to increase it for the both of us, we quickly spiraled out of control from working on being a better couple to quitting altogether.

It’s a sharp blow, even though I was the one to initiate it. You just never expect it to permanently end, even when you say it should. Now, of course, sadden by the lost of love, I’m more so hurt by the waste of time. Time I thought I was investing into my future wife, my future mother of my kids, my future life partner and companion; but to end up back where I was 12 months ago…single. It sucks!

So there in a nutshell is why I haven’t been around lately. Busy as hell, yes, but more so hurt and slightly ashamed to admit that the one I thought was “the one”, wasn’t. It’s reshaping all of my surroundings. My lease that I shorten so we could get a place together in 6 months, the business we were going to start on lesbian relationships, the vacations and trips we were going to take to places we had on our list to move to. What do you do after your future plans made for two changes to just one?

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