Do You Have Any REAL Friends?
It seems like as a society, Americans don’t like to talk about their PP’s (personal problems). Instead we try to tuck them away in the backs of our minds and force ourselves to believe that we’re the only ones dealing with the kinds of problems we have, but in reality so many of us are having the same issue and if we would only bring the subject up, we’d quickly see that we aren’t alone in our struggle.
For now, that issue is the lack of people in our lives that we can honestly call “friends”. How many of us have them?
Whether it’s a Saturday night and you have cabin fever or it’s a dead battery on a rainy deserted highway, having someone close by that you know you can always call to help meet your needs is one of the most beautiful things in the world! Unfortunately, SO many of us don’t have the luxury of saying we have people, not even one concrete person, who fits that description. Why not?
It’s not that we’re bad people. It’s not that we don’t know how to be a friend to gain a friend. It’s simply that finding a real human connection in our society is hard to come by. With the constant changes of life, we can’t seem to stay on the same page with anyone long enough to develop a real connection, so when the convenience that brought the two of you together dissipates, many times, so does the friendship.
Some people say the answer is being completely comfortable alone, by yourself, which is partially true. Before you can be of any good to anyone else, you have to love yourself first; but being the only one you can count on doesn’t secure your sanity when you want people around and definitely not when you need someone to help you accomplish something you can’t complete by yourself. So where can you make friends?
Your mate should be your best friend, but unfortunately many people take that too far, making their mates their ONLY friend. Locking yourself into a two person companionship can bring a lot of perks, but it can also strip away your sense of self; not to mention the drastic change of doing everything with this one person to having NO ONE you can call on if the relationship was ever to end. Single people like to mix and mingle among each other, but find it hard to gain a friend over gaining someone who is attracted to them and looking for more. Or, in the rare cases where a mutual friendship does start, when one starts dating an outsider, their attention shifts from your friendship to their new girlfriend and you most likely find yourself out back again. You can’t knock em for that…it just sucks that most people can’t balance the two well.
Is it just me or are the friendships from shows like Sex and the City or The L Word just as frictional as the characters themselves?
How many people really have those “nothing can come between us” bonds with two or three people? And if you’re lucky enough to have it, could you share your tips for acquiring it with the rest of us who are walking around silently alone and lonely?
1Dee
wrote on 22 September 2009 at 0:21
I when u find answer to this let me no cuz i am looking for answer
2Serenity
wrote on 22 September 2009 at 8:38
haha, I know what you mean. Easier said then done right. But I’m your bud, right!
3Vita
wrote on 27 September 2009 at 13:16
I’m glad that this topic has been addressed because it brings up alot of good points to think about. Like if you’re in a relationship but you don’t have any friends but you want some, then why don’t you have any? I think that that point you made about making your “BOO” your all is so true. When you and your mate become one to the point were others are not included it does become more of a challenge to be an individual. It causes conflict when ever one of the partners try to bring or introduce another person into the equation. It may even bring up feelings of recentment or jealousy. Its a thin line between friendship and a relationship and some people can’t determine or figure out were that line is. What we have to do is ask ourselves what is a true friend to me? What is a friend? What is a way that I can be a friend and do I want to be friends with this one or that one? We also need to understand that a true friend and a friend are two different things. Who are we and what do we want from the next person? Once we have determined or figured out these answers then it maybe easier to find what we are looking for in a friendship or a relationship.
4Serenity
wrote on 27 September 2009 at 22:09
I couldn’t agree more. It’s the same between two close friends who do everything together. If one meets a new person and starts spending time that use to be given to the first with the other, the other may start to feel jealous and resentful towards the newcomer. I guess we need to know how to prove to our mates that we are still there and that they still have all our love even if there is someone else who gets some of our time. And I think in a healthy relationship, that partner would have to accept that and understand that it’s okay for you or for them to have a friend that isn’t each other. Like you said, it allows us to keep a sense of self and probably even makes us appreciate our mates more when we can take a step away and come back at a later time.