Rambling Serenity

Ok, so I’m in the shower, spaced out like I always am, thinking on different topics and I got to thinking about the difference between settling and not-looking-for-perfection. What exactly is the difference and which is a better thing to be doing, if either? Here’s what I came up with.

Settling is when you have a certain goal or desire in mind, but decide to walk away with less for fear that 1) you’ll never be able to get what you originally wanted and 2) that the longer you wait to get it, the higher your chances are of losing what you currently have available to you.
The perfect illustration is Who Wants to be a Millionaire! Everyone goes there with the original desire to get a million bucks, right? But then as they play and their odds change they start taking some big risks and having to reevaluate how set they are on getting that million. I can almost hear them thinking, “Ok, I can walk away right NOW with a guaranteed $250,000, or I can stay set on getting a million and possibly lose EVERYTHING.” For those who decide to walk with the $250,000, they’re settling. They have changed their original desire to something less out of fear that they won’t be able to get anything better and worst yet, they might lose what they currently have.

* Some things in life aren’t so important that we have to have it exactly as we pictured it in our minds (i.e. taking a reasonable price condo over that perfect pad right on the east corner of the building overlooking the water and costing an arm and a leg), or
* Maybe getting less than what we originally expected is still way better than nothing at all (i.e. starting with nothing, wanting a million and getting $500,000), or
* Maybe taking the chance at losing what we currently have to only possibly get something better is just not a smart move (i.e. leaving your wife and kids to hook up with a woman ½ your age who could truly love you or who could just be after your money).
In those cases settling could be a wise decision. The problem is that:
* Many times we’re so moved by fear, we settle too early (i.e. wanting to ask for $40K during a job interview, but settling for $35K out of fear the job will no longer be offered at a higher price), or
* Sometimes we underestimate our worth, thinking we don’t really deserve anything better than what we currently have (i.e. having a marked up past and allowing that to make you feel you don’t deserve true love and only a person who beats you is what you can get), or
* We think it’s impossible to get more, so we stop trying after we reach a certain level (i.e. no one you know has graduated from high school, so once you reach a certain grade you settle and drop out thinking you can’t possibly get more than those around you have).
That’s when settling becomes dangerous and holds us back from reaching our dreams that are closer than we really know. Fear is a huge factor in making people settle, and though sometimes settling is in our best interests, normally we cut ourselves short when we do so.

When do you think a person should settle and when shouldn’t they?

Now, not-looking-for-perfection is slightly different. I choose to call it that (not-looking-for-perfection), basically because I couldn’t think of one word to sum it up, but you get my drift. Not-looking-for-perfection is when you get what you originally had set in mind to get but you also understand, or soon find out, that it may come with some strings attached. (*I personally, think that not-looking-for-perfection is a less commonly encountered situation, typically because we as imperfect people tend to fear too much and settle before we ever even get all that we asked for, but for those of us lucky enough to make it there, that’s what this section is about.)
Using a similar illustration as above, a perfect example of this is if a player went on Who Wants to be a Millionaire actually won a million dollars. They pressed through the fear of losing their $250,000 and it proved to work to their advantage. But after winning the money they soon find out that it’s not disbursed in one lump sum; instead they will receive monthly checks for the next 5 years. They still got what they originally wanted, but there’s some strings attached to it that they may or may not have been expecting.

* Unpreventable extra conditions can make us appreciate what we have even more (i.e. realizing that the only negative thing you can find about your soul mate is that they snore, which makes you appreciate all the other good things that you never knew could all exist in one person who loves you), or
* Sometimes getting what we originally wanted is so great that minor setbacks seem well worth it (i.e. not being able to buy any Starbuck coffee for a month cause that fabulous new dress you just bought dug deep into your rent money), or
* Maybe the strings attached are so overshadowed by our happiness that we barely even notice they exist (i.e. acquiring a new mortgage to your dream home).
In those cases not-looking-for-perfection could be a wise decision. The problem is that:
* At times we deserve the very best with no strings attached and accepting less would constitute as settling and not merely just not-looking-for-perfection (i.e. after completing a complex project at work you deserve recognition instead of letting someone else take the credit for it), or
* Sometimes our original desire isn’t quite enough and so it becomes vital that we go above and beyond it (i.e. saving $300 for a trip that you learned months ago was going to cost $500), or
* As we mature and our desires change, our original desire may no longer be valid and accepting it as is wouldn’t bring much, to any happiness (i.e. becoming the manager at a fast food chain as an adult when that was your goal as a teenager).
That’s when not-looking-for-perfection isn’t a sign of maturity, it borderlines failure and an inability to get perfect results.

What are your comments on the difference between settling and not-looking-for-perfection? Which do you think you do more? Which do you think is better to do, and when/why?

1. This post is currently under Shower Thoughts.
2. Btw (by the way) I love comments and feedback, so please leave a comment below.
3. AND subscribe by pressing “RSS” anywhere on the website, like right here: RSS. Thx guys, Serenity.

Tweet to Twitter Send to Facebook Post to MySpace